When You’re Trans, Autistic and Homeless, Finding a Place to Live is Almost Impossible

CN for transphobia, ableism, abuse, legal discrimination, intrusive questions, executive function

Hi all,

Apologies for the inactivity on here for the last several weeks. Today I’m going to talk a bit about the issues I’ve had accessing housing – which is something I’ve had to deal with extensively over the last several months. In short, my living situation at home with my parents became toxic (mainly due to blatant transphobia, ableism and overall abuse, but that’s for another time). The major reason it took me so long to leave home were because I am hitting systematic barriers that makes it difficult for me to access any form of help. That’s not just my words. It’s the words of one of many housing support staff I’ve been in contact with. But we’re getting ahead of ourselves here.

I’m going address them one by one:

Fear of the unknown:

One of the major things that stopped me from leaving sooner was the anxiety caused by the uncertainty of what would happen next once I leave. Where would I go and who would I stay with? How would I be able to cope on the streets if that came to pass? In a way, staying in the toxic household is better due to the routine and certainty of having a place to sleep. This is one reason autistic people find it difficult to escape abusive situations in general.

Most housing services have inaccessible contact methods:

Due to all the stress my functioning ability had decreased significantly. One way this showed is that I could no longer use the phone even to call people I had called before already. This meant I could not access emergency accommodation in my area for one as all of them had phone numbers only and email addresses are harder to find if they are publically available.

Additionally, when I did email housing services they are either slow to reply or don’t reply at all. This included a UK LGBT housing charity I referred myself to in good faith they’d get back to me but they never did. If a housing provider does not offer an accessible contact method they are from the fact excluding those with disabilities from applying to their services and condemning them to their deaths as a result.

Additionally, emergency accommodation is potentially unsafe for marginalised people because of the chances of being trapped in an even more toxic environment. This applies to the physical environment as well as potentially the people staying there. Hence not being able to verify this in advance means it’s a no-go for many people.

Women’s refuge services have transphobic policies:

Here is a bit of a sticky topic. In the UK’s Equality Act 2010, there are legitimate exceptions in the Act that let services to discriminate against minorities if it’s a “proportionate means to achieve a legitimate aim.” This includes potential discrimination against trans people when accessing refuges on the grounds of their gender. Or more specifically, their genitals. When i tried to get access to a women’s refuge in the summer, I visited once to sign up, but I had to disclose I’m transgender in part because the form required it – but also because I did not fully pass at the time and there was no way I could have gotten away with lying on the form.

As a result, I got barred from face to face contact with the refuge as a result due to the fact I’m pre-op (irrespective of the facts that many trans people don’t have surgery and that surgery isn’t something I could get access to for years if at all). They did offer signposting and limited telephone/email support but it upset me so much I am turned off refuges for life. They told me that this is due to their policy which ended up being based on reasons relating to biological differences and safety concerns which shows fundamental misunderstanding of trans issues at best and bad faith transphobia at worst.

Not able to rent privately:

There are a few reasons for this and many of them relate to personal circumstances which I will not elaborate on. However, I will detail some notable issues that affect people like me in general. the biggest reason is because I was trying to hold down a full-time job. I gave up on getting help to escape in the summer so I ended up banking on the money from a job to help me move however this was not possible long-term.
I did not have the energy or executive function to juggle trying to find a room as well as full-time work with a commute. It was too much for me having had to spend my lunch breaks and much of my non-working hours recovering. This meant I could not view rooms and thus could not make any progress.

Other access issues are that I could not work out what listings on the housing sites like Spare Room were legitimate plus many landowners specifically ask people to call them to enquire. This meant I had a lot of access issues even finding places to view so contacting them were largely inaccessible just like housing services. That plus the ensuring anxiety and lack of support meant processing the listings for red flags became very difficult. Same applies for finding houses that are trans friendly.

Finally, there is another legal loophole that meant many more listings weren’t accessible to me. Many of the listings were by live-in landlords and if the “small premises exception” applies they can discriminate on all minority characteristics (bar race) under the guise of a “preference.”
The conditions where this applies are the following (based on the info here):

  • The landlord or a relative of theirs will be living in another part of the same property and intend to continue living there
  • The landowner (or their relative) share part of the property with the other residents. This doesn’t include common accessways (like corridors and stairs) and common storage areas
  • The most likely shared parts will be kitchens or bathrooms; and either:
  • The property includes accommodation for at least one other household, which is separately let, but cannot accommodate more than two other separately let households; or
  • The property is not normally sufficient to provide residential accommodation for more than six people (in addition to the landowner or their relative and their household members)

Seeing as many of the listings I found fit into those categories – alongside the fact I couldn’t pass fully then – meant that I had to rule out a lot of listings. As many landowners are older, more privileged cis people and thus more likely to misunderstand, I did not feel safe putting myself into that situation which is before considering my autism-related needs. I very highly doubt I am alone in this although I can’t confirm personally.

The system for finding accommodation for housing related support:

The current system in the UK for someone who needs housing support to fill out a form via the council stating the needs people have and where they’d like to stay. Then housing providers can view applications on their systems so that if they can contact the applicant to request an interview. I haven’t been to an interview so I don’t know how that goes down, just the initial application meeting for one provider. In that meeting I was asked more about my needs as well as what steps I’ve took to undergo transitioning which includes social, legal and medical. I didn’t particularly want to give any details on the medical side – and the person I saw was very apologetic about having to ask it – but I believe that is a requirement too. Regardless, in the end that didn’t go anywhere as they didn’t have room for me either. However that was only one provider so hopefully there are more out there.

Being declared as unintentionally homeless:

The gist of this is that if I’m declared as intentionally homeless, the council would not help me and this would affect what support I’d get. It’s the same for any homeless person even though the circumstances will be different each time. My circumstances of fleeing abuse is one of a few instances where somebody leaving home when they aren’t being kicked out is not becoming intentionally homeless. It did mean that me and my parents had to meet with a council rep to have some kind of “mediation” even though I knew going in it wasn’t going to be feasible. It was annoying but I entertained the mediation idea and it paid off.

Wider political context:

There is a housing shortage in the UK and has been for some time thanks to the Conservative party. Nowhere near enough affordable social housing exists as the demand for that considerably outstrips supply. The same also applies to supported housing and other types of accommodation. Additionally, there is a lot of homes that are lying empty due to being owned by the mega rich and not occupied. Hence even if I was not marginalised I would still have some problems.

With all the above said, the only option left for me for now is to sofa surf and frankly if I didn’t have friends to help I would have been in a seriously bad place. And being autistic and trans even having friends is a privilege because social anxiety and dysphoria makes it hard for friendships to form.

In some ways, my experiences with my friends the past couple of months have somewhat restored my faith in humanity because it shows that people will step up where they can. However, it also shouldn’t be this way and that’s sad. It’s one reason I’ve written this post because it’s this kind of first hand testimony that spreads awareness of these issues so legal reform can be done. Most people are not even aware of these issues in any real detail especially if they are not involved in the disability, LGBTQ+ or housing communities. Hence I am providing some of the detail.

For me personally, I don’t know what the future holds. I’m hoping to no longer be homeless by the end of this year but I really can’t say for sure yet. Regardless, hopefully 2020 will be a happier, more prosperous year for me. Happy New Year to you all and hopefully 2020 is just as prosperous for you too.

Kind regards,
Milla xx

What I’ve Learned About Social Expectations At Work Since Starting My Job

(Featured image description: Multiple shots of people working at computer desks.)

Hi all,

I’m sure you are all aware of the problems autistic people face with employment. A major reason is the social aspect of the role – such as the unwritten rules in the workplace.

Without going into too much detail, my workplace is one of the more accommodating ones in the UK. However, it is also one of the more chaotic workplaces which means that I have had a lot of challenges to deal with. Fortunately, it is starting to get easier for me so I am going to spread the love.

Here is a list of what I’ve learned this week – with the help of my line manager who communicated this to me – so that other autistic people can better understand some of the unwritten workplace rules out there.

Rules won’t always be followed

This is a big one. Even in the most structured of workplaces – the rules and procedures in place often serve as guidelines rather than hard and fast rules (unless they are legal or health and safety-related). Rules will be bent depending on business need so it means that people cannot strictly enforce them as doing so risks making the business look bad.

An example I was given refers to whether figures of influence are involved. This can include company directors to celebrities and political/religious figures. In other words, rules are often bent so that the company or organisation save face. Did somebody submit something a bit late? Well depending on who the guests are that work will be prioritised.

An individual’s actions have wide-reaching consequences on the whole team

This is important to understand because this is something that managers and other staff pick up on even if the individual concerned doesn’t. This is also used to factor in things like performance reviews. In other words, the bigger picture is something that all members of the team need to understand.

For me, I am currently not fully trained in my role and because of this other members of my team are picking up some of the things that I am supposed to be doing. Yet I had absolutely no idea until this was communicated to me directly. I only fully understood once I was given a concrete example of something, I should be doing but I’ve not been trained on yet.

Initiative is expected

By this, I mean that workers are expected to be able to think for themselves on how to solve situations and not ask too many questions. Initially, this was quite confusing for me because I thought that if I don’t know what to do, I should be asking questions? Yet apparently, I was asking too many questions because it meant that my colleague was basically doing my work (and I was just typing it).

I think this stems in part due to how much support autistic people have or not. For example, for the few autistic people in school that got proper support from a young age may have been constantly handheld and not fully developed the initiative required for many jobs.

Social anxiety and a fear of making mistakes also play a part here. One reason for this is that many autistic people have learned over the years that their judgement for social situations is incorrect hence their judgement is not trustworthy. When I say “incorrect,” I mean that as a value judgement as to how an NT would see things. When it comes to other autistic/neurodivergent people, more people are likely to see the judgement as correct (or at least something they would do).

Meetings should always be prioritised

This section can be summarised in a few simple points. The first is that if somebody invites somebody else to a work-related meeting they are expected to attend. This applies regardless of the context from verbal agreements to Outlook invites. This also applies if the meeting sounds informal and/or optional such as a “coffee with [senior director].” I had a meltdown that day and was volatile so I thought as this coffee meeting was optional hence, I didn’t have to go so I didn’t. I ended up getting told off for it.

Additionally, the individual employee is also expected to take responsibility for their own timetable. One reason why is because other staff have their own workloads so cannot be responsible for others too. Fortunately, Outlook has aids that can help with executive functioning such as alarms and reminders. This is not so helpful for making sure employees remember meetings first thing in the morning so other reminders (ie. Using tools like Amazon Alexa) as well as a daily reminder to check the calendar is what helps me.

It’s impossible to understand everything that’s happening

In the world of work, so much goes on that unless somebody is senior management, it is impossible to know everything that goes on and how people are expected to behave. Part of this is due to confidentiality obligations however it can also be down to the fact that things are generally communicated on a “need-to-know” basis.

Hence a skill that will be expected of staff is to know when to ask for more information and when to just accept what you’ve been told. Usually, when someone says that “it’s private and/or confidential” or “only senior staff have access” that is a clear sign that lower-level staff are not to dig. Even many autism-friendly workplaces have these expectations.

This also applies to social situations. Yes, some managers may make decisions that seem strange but if they have a track record of meaning well and aren’t trying to be malicious their advice is worth following. Not just because they are the manager but also because they understand better how everything works.

The line manager acts as a communicator for any problems

One thing I’ve greatly struggled with over the years is that people won’t talk to me directly about the problems they have with me or my behaviour. For personal relationships, this is obviously a serious issue however this is not the case for workplace relationships in many contexts.

This is because the role of the line manager is considered important. Basically, subordinates tell their line managers anything that is bothering them. This includes how other employees are negatively impacting on them. This doesn’t just include the usual bad things but also includes things that are causing them to have difficulties doing their work such as asking too many questions that I mentioned earlier.

This is nothing personal. It is not a personal failure or anything like that. It is because this is the unwritten social rule of many workplaces that employees are taught to follow. Additionally, line managers often undergo specific training on management that lower-level staff often do not.

The boundaries blur a bit more when it is a personal relationship of some sort. Usually, this applies if somebody knows them outside of work or the colleagues have worked together for a long time. Hence colleagues may talk to each other directly rather than going to the line manager.

So in other words, these are some of the many ways that work relationships are different from personal relationships. Hence autistic people can’t simply cut and paste expectations from personal relationships into a workplace context even though that is the logical thing an autistic person may do. That’s all for today. I hope to be able to share more tips like this soon.

Milla xx

Transitioning Into Work When You’re Autistic Is Doable, But It’s Harder Than It Should Be

Hi all, 

Apologies for the lack of activity as of late – I’ve had a lot to deal with, but one of the most important things that have come from that is the following. I’ve got an internship starting next week! I’m happy and excited as a result for the most part but I’m gonna blog a bit about my thoughts from a disability perspective. Part of the reason why is that most of my backlogged posts are quite serious so a more lighthearted approach will be needed for this one. 

Earning money is important 

I will soon be earning my own money and that makes me very happy for a few reasons. The first is that I will be able to meet something that all disabled people should have the opportunity to do (if they can) is to earn an income. Another reason is that I need to start medically transitioning privately. In the UK, waiting lists for trans medical care on the NHS are years long and are not sustainable so the recommended advice is to go private during the wait.

A supportive environment is more likely to exist than people think 

As an autistic person, one of the biggest things that myself and others like me have to look for is whether a workplace is supportive of our needs. Fortunately, the push by companies to recruit more autistic employees is increasingly popular so it is more likely that we will get the support we need. Of course, some companies do indeed sign up to schemes that are flawed just to appear supportive like “Disability Confident” in the UK (here are several articles about it, CW ableism) so it is a minefield and there is still some way to go. However, things are still better than before. 

I am not as clued up on trans related employment issues however things are faring somewhat better there even though trans people are more likely to be unemployed than cis people. Hence I don’t address trans related issues in this article. The employer I will be working for I feel is a good fit for me and will help me meet my needs through reasonable adjustment which greatly helps my confidence. 

New pathways may open up 

Once somebody gets their foot in the door workwise, multiple pathways can open up depending on the situation. But a lot of it comes down to gathering experience. Doing a job is one way that employers will judge their employees. If somebody can do their job well, that is a great start. Of course, many opportunities would require some level of networking and skill, however, supportive environments may be more willing to overlook weaker social skills if somebody’s strengths exceed elsewhere. 

However, there are other pathways to work such as self-employment which is an increasingly popular option for disabled workers due to the added flexibility. Hence, in a way, many disabled workers can create a supportive environment themselves. Being disabled makes working harder, but it doesn’t always make it impossible. 

Of course, challenges persist 

I know that I am in the minority for my community, especially as so many people who are autistic cannot access work for many different reasons. This is why it’s so important that acceptance of our identities is pushed out there so we can be better accommodated in the world around us.

A lot of people, including many of my relatives, have a lot of negative opinions about whether people like me would be able to find and keep a job. I can only speak for myself when I say this but I am determined to prove those detractors wrong because I know their pessimism is unrealistic and based on outdated views of the workplace (and assumes all bosses are assholes).

Anyone who has additional supports or marginalisations is worth a fair shot at the world of work – end of. It is quite telling – and sad – that many people disagree and will actively take steps to harm the careers of disabled professionals. It’s important to discuss positive stories of disabled people succeeding in work without falling back on inspiration porn-based narratives or centring nondisabled perspectives and change the narrative. Hence there will be more disabled people in work achieving their goals. 

And finally, it is also important to ditch the idea that disabled people have to be in work to have a fulfilling life because in reality work is not an indicator of somebody’s worth. It is just that the current state of capitalism has convinced the average person otherwise, including many disabled people. Hence there would be better social and financial support for those disabled people that cannot work so they can live equally fulfilling lives. 

That’s all for today. 

Milla xx

Featured image source

REVIEW: Uncomfortable Labels

Image description: A white label on a blue fabric. The fabric has black text on it that says “Uncomfortable Labels: My Life as a Gay Autistic Trans Woman.” The author’s name, Laura Kate Dale is written below as well as the letter “M.”

(Content warnings in article for suicide, bullying, ableism and transphobia.)

Note: The book itself also contains discussion of drugs and abusive situations (including sexual abuse) but neither of those are mentioned in this review.

Hi all, 

When you are either trans, gay or autistic, there are a lot of ways those identities can impact on somebody’s life whether they realise it or not. There is a need for information and support as to how best to live life with these identities. To the credit of the wider world, there is existing resources for those identities separately. However, there is a huge lack of resources out there about how these identities intersect. 

This was something I noticed as well as I came out as transgender and started my transition. How does being autistic impact being transgender? And how does being gay come into that as well? (Even though, full disclaimer I’m actually bisexual but can’t feasibly see myself dating a cis man). Essentially, people with this particular intersection are trying to learn about this with no real support. 

In the first published book of its kind by a reputable publisher, Uncomfortable Labels is the first widespread resource for fellow autistic trans people and their support networks to learn from. The author, Laura Kate Dale, came out and transitioned in early adulthood to her mid twenties. Additionally, she was also diagnosed with Aspergers (now folded into the overall “autistic spectrum disorder” diagnosis) in early adulthood. These key facts shape both the book’s structure and her story. 

There are three parts to this book. The first section covers Laura’s childhood and life pre-transition and pre-diagnosis. Some topics discussed here are quite surprising such as how Laura stimmed as a baby. However other experiences are not so surprising such as bullying she encountered from her peers. I say surprising as this kind of intimate detail is something I haven’t seen in a book for a long time especially from somebody who is so out in the public eye. 

Many of these experiences were things I could personally relate to such as feeling uncomfortable with sexist rhetoric by cis men as well as being shunned by girls due to presenting as male (despite feeling more socially connected with them). The most notable part for me though was the following quote: 

“So much of what society told me about being gay, trans or having autism painted a terrible picture of my future.” 

This is because I had the same thoughts at the age of 20 in 2018. So even though there was a sizable timeframe between Laura feeling this and me feeling this, it goes to show that not much has changed for it to be significant. It actually reminds me of a recent survey put out with regards to disability in general. As a result, this really helped maximise the overall impact the book had on me and I doubt I am alone in this. 

The second section addresses Laura’s life through transitioning and getting diagnosed with Aspergers. She addresses issues trans autistic people face accessing NHS healthcare such as the long waiting times (which have only gotten worse as of late). Things like socially transitioning are also touched upon too specifically about building a wardrobe, dealing with facial hair and wearing makeup (some things I struggle with too).  

I particularly liked how Laura mentioned little about how she medically transitioned and sees it as unimportant but for anyone but herself. This is a very good approach because it goes against the transphobic ideas many cis people have about feeling entitled to know intimate details about a trans person’s transition. This section closes out with some positivity towards trans women who cannot pass which is something that is needed in general (using media representations of trans women as an example). 

The final section is less a memoir and more a collection of essays that discuss certain aspects of being autistic and trans. This section is perhaps the most hard hitting of the book as one chapter discusses how Laura has had to learn to deal with her friends dying (usually by suicide) due to how discrimination against LGBT people is still rampant in modern society. Furthermore, Laura mentions how so many of her family and friends abandoned her upon coming out or were not fully supportive if they did. 

On a more positive note, Laura also discusses access issues autistic LGBT people have when it comes to events like Pride and nightclubs, including conflicting access needs (note: this term was not directly used, but it’s what she describes). Examples include sensory overload and dealing with safety issues at events. This is something that needs to be discussed as the mainstream LGBT culture excludes so many autistic trans people.

The analogy of autism friendly cinema screenings was a very effective way of communicating this. Calling for a wider variety of LGBT spaces like cafes was a very good call. This is something I support because I don’t have much interest in attending current LGBT events due to the loud and rowdy nature of many of them. We deserve quieter spaces too. Laura also mentions her very positive experiences in roller derby having been fully included in the sport by all her teammates. It was by far one of the most heartwarming part of the book. 

Even better, Laura frames many traits of being autistic in a positive way in a later chapter, saying “”I think it’s important we [talk about positives of being trans/autistic]… if people start to see trans status and autism as having positives rather than negative.. ..maybe it’d become apparent why there’s such a need for society to adapt and accommodate our existence.” This is exactly the kind of positivity we need and this book mostly delivers (I say mostly, I’ll elaborate a little later). 

Additionally, there is also a prologue at the start at the book which very helpfully explains key concepts of being autistic and transgender in an accessible manner. 

One of the best parts of the book is how Laura called out many of the myths about autism. For example, she calls out Simon Baron-Cohen’s controversial “extreme male brain” theory which has been detrimental to understanding autism in feminine presenting people. Later on, she also calls out the myth that autistic people don’t have empathy (when in reality most of us do, it is only a sizable minority of us that don’t). 

Similarly, she also does the same with regards to transgender myths. The myth that being trans is a trend is one of the myths called out. She correctly states that it’s transphobic beliefs that lead to trans people ending their lives, not as a result of pressure by wider society to be trans (which doesn’t exist). 

There are a couple of caveats though, Firstly, there isn’t much discussion of how being gay impacts things compared to being autistic and trans. However, as the impacts of being gay are already understood more than being autistic and/or trans, this isn’t a big loss. 

More notably, I found some of the terminology used to be a mixed bag. While a lot of the transgender terms were accurate (ie. Assigned male at birth) I noticed a few missteps with autism related terms. Person first language (ie. With autism) is used over identity first (ie. Autistic). This is fine if it’s Laura’s individual personal preference. However, as many autistic community prefer “autistic” it feels a bit out of touch for a major published book. I think both terms should be used interchangeably as has been the case in other published books. Here is more information on the subject.

At one point in Chapter 6, the phrase “suffers from autism” was used. The usage of this term perpetrates a harmful myth that being autistic leads to suffering when in reality ableism from others is what leads to suffering. Considering Laura calls out transphobic myths that argues the same thing but for being transgender, isn’t that a bit strange? This is something that should have been caught out in editing and slightly soured the book for me for a while. 

For the first book of its kind, it’s overall an excellent start. So much said in this book is correct and vital to add to the conversation. With a little bit of polish with regards to the terminology, this book would be perfect. However there needs to be more books covering a similar area so that others whom have different experiences to Laura can themselves find someone to relate to and learn from. Hopefully this happens sooner rather than later and for that to happen, I encourage people with the means to buy this book. 

That’s all for today. 

Milla xx 

What Does It Mean to be an Autistic Trans Woman?

(Featured image description: Image is of a neurodiversity infinity symbol redesigned with the colours of the trans flag alongside part of the transgender symbol).

(CN mention of misogyny, mental health, toxic masculinity)

Hi all, 

Sorry for the lack of activity for nearly two months. I’ve had a lot of work to do finishing up my studies. So at the time of writing this I am still in the early stages of transitioning but I have been pondering this question for a while, which I would like to talk about today in light of Pride Month. 

What exactly does it mean to be an autistic trans woman? 

It’s harder than it sounds to answer, mainly because there isn’t much information out there that is actually good and part of that is due to the stigma surrounding autism. For instance, it is harder to sieve through the mixed narratives that appear via a search engine (which vary from supportive to outright bigotry) if you don’t have any prior knowledge. Hence that is what makes autistic trans people so vulnerable and misunderstood. It is reasonable to suggest that the autistic and trans elements of somebody’s identity do interact with each other but to what extent and reasoning are not clearly defined. Of course, a lot of this is subjective and varies from person to person. 

So I’m writing this blog post to hopefully offer an insight as someone whom is just coming out of their shell and starting to embrace being the lady they really are inside. 

Please note that this perspective focuses on a trans feminine perspective. Trans men’s perspectives are important but for obvious reasons I can’t talk about that with complete accuracy (even though there are some overlaps). I encourage you to go seek out perspectives from autistic trans men on their perspective. 

For me, the answer stems from a few major points: 

Gender identity on an internal level is complicated 

Many people identify with the gender they were assigned at birth and have no problems with it, hence they are cisgender. Many people also do not identify as their assigned gender hence it’s a little more complicated with that. However, they are all transgender. On a deep level, I don’t align with either the binary male or female gender stereotypical identities.  

I never had a strong attachment to either gender roles. I’m not super huge on makeup but I’m also not big on sports. My lack of interest stemmed from the fact that I never saw binary gender roles as important. I knew the stereotypes existed but I didn’t really care. Why are they so important to allistics? It makes no sense. I was in my own bubble with my limited interests and that was fine for me for years. 

Now before I go further, I want to say something important. There is NOTHING wrong with this. There is nothing wrong with how autistic people interact with the world, it is the other way around. This also applies when you add in the dimension of gender. 

And to address a popular counterargument – could I have been influenced by my peers? No. When I was at school, there was nobody in my year group who transitioned that I knew of and was open about it so there was no opportunity to be influenced by them from a distance. I did just miss the era when trans youth started to become more aware of themselves.  Being autistic tends to help add immunity against social trends anyway so if anything, it’s actually an advantage in this instance. 

Secondly, your gender identity is not influenced by people around you changing your mind. It comes down to becoming more aware that trans identities exist and being given the freedom and opportunity to question your own gender and experiment. Being trans is not a “trend,” it’s always existed but just wasn’t hugely well known till recently. 

I don’t want to be perceived as a man anymore 

 The thought of being seen as and treated as a man really stresses me out as it’s not who I really am and can’t properly express myself. It repulses me big time as I’ve never liked it but I just never realised it before. However, I want to be treated as a woman as those thoughts are far more positive and reflective of who I am. This is a direct contrast to what the mainstream understanding of what autism is. Wait, don’t autistic people not understand social dynamics and cues? Well: 

  • It depends on how being autistic affects someone. 
  • It depends on the support they receive to understand society’s rules 
  • Regardless of how much an autistic person seems to not “pay attention” to how we’re treated, we are actually paying attention. Yes, this includes those that are seen as “low functioning” or “cannot speak for themselves.” 

That includes how we’re being perceived by others. Its why many autistic people have depression and other comorbid conditions which often makes their quality of life far worse than simply being autistic as a result of social exclusion. 

I’ve had difficulty in the past connecting to those in my true gender simply because I was socalised as a man. Some of these reasons were self-inflicted unintentionally but other reasons came from wider society (ie. Toxic masculinity).

I have also had my thinking in my mind begin to adjust to a more feminine position over the last several months as I am learning more about the issues that women and trans people face. It’s difficult to explain succinctly other than this being a fundamental personal change inside. I imagine I am not alone in this experience and is quite common with trans people. 

I have gender euphoria when presenting as femme, which tells me transitioning is right for me 

I also find that whenever I take steps towards living as a woman, I get a feeling of happiness that I never had when I thought I was a guy. The best way I can describe it is a positive buzz that makes me feel very happy but it’s also known as gender euphoria. In other words, the opposite of gender dysphoria. This is a common experience for many trans people. 

This includes being able to pass in public and hear other people treat me like a cis woman. Some examples include me going to shops and being referred to with feminine terms of endearment like “love” or “dear.” Another example includes when I am being referred to by others like on a recent trip out where a mother told her kid to “watch out for the lady” when I had to walk past them to pick out some condiments in a café. 

Not all of this attention is good though, which brings me to… 

I am willing to relearn a whole new set of social rules/expectations

This is exactly what it says and links to the above. This comes with it’s challenges. “Womens’ culture” (for lack of a better way to describe it) is different from “guy culture” considerably. The social rules for women are more complex to learn and trans women will be expected to conform to these standards imposed on women (regardless of whether they agree with some exceptions). This is so that they can be seen as a cis woman by many people in daily life on a subconscious level. Unfortunately, this shouldn’t be the case but it exists and is something that needs to be considered.

This also includes important aspects like safety in public and in relationships. Being perceived as feminine changes these dynamics considerably because then transitioning into a woman pretty much means you will regularly have to deal with misogyny (or worse) in public. This is incredibly difficult to deal with when you factor in things like overstimulation and lack of spatial awareness that can often happen when you’re autistic and overloaded. Hence I’ve had to adjust what I do when I’m out and about.

This does mean a lot of trial and error, experimentation and support is required. Bear in mind this is an enormous step for any trans person (regardless of gender and disability status) because of how drastically things change. For me, this is a challenge I am willing to accept so I can find a happy medium between how I feel inside and where I want to be. Why would I put myself through that unless I am sure transitioning is right for me? It’s the same for any other trans person. 

Transitioning is one of many ways someone evolves on a personal level.

Just because somebody is trans, it doesn’t mean that is their only identity. Hence it is important not to lose sight of this. Some other related identities include career, sexual orientation, religious/political affiliations as well as various other experiences they have. Hence essentially a gender transition shows that somebody is still a work in progress. 

For me, while I am transitioning into a woman, I am also transitioning from education into the workplace for instance. Hence, I am also evolving in other ways too separately from my gender identity. Hence I’m not just Milla the trans lady, I’m also Milla the university graduate, Milla the writer etc. There are other ways too but you get the idea. 

Some final thoughts 

To conclude, this is a result of this long path to acceptance, I feel much happier and more confident with myself since accepting this and am ready to face the next wave of challenges. I will be honest and admit that I am a bit scared of what comes next and for good reasons.

That’s not to say I am unsure of what I really want – I do – but it is adjusting to huge changes that await me. This includes changing my name and gender marker on my documents, developing my fashion sense and feminine presentation as well as the medical alterations that hormones will have on my body. However, I strongly believe it will be for the better in the long run. 

That’s all for today. I hope this article has helped others better understand what living as an autistic trans woman is like.

Kind regards, 

Milla x 

Featured image source

Yes, Games Are For Everyone

Featured image description: Image is of a samurai in front of a burning Japanese-style temple. Text at top says “Sekiro: Shadows Die Twice” whereas the text on the bottom says “Take revenge. Restore your honour. Kill ingeniously.”

(CN for ableism)

Hi all,

There has been some recent discourse in the gaming and disability communities that I would like to offer my perspective – namely how all games should add in difficulty levels. This is a feature notably absent from the recently released Sekiro: Shadows Die Twice developed by From Software, a company known for their challenging games.

I am going to preface this by stating that my autism/ADHD affects a lot of how I approach video games these days alongside my time as a games journalist which included me reviewing games to embargos. Both of these formulate why I believe that games are for everyone and arguing otherwise are being elitist and ableist, knowingly or not.

First, I’m going to talk a bit about my playstyle as a background. I’m mostly a portable gamer and this formulates my playstyle for so many genres. Rhythm games are a good stimming aid (assuming the music is good) which is a great way to zone out and boost my immersion. My poor attention span means I find it very difficult to immerse myself on a home console game especially for Japanese RPGs where the portability factor helps me stick with them. I also find large screens visually overwhelming to process at times so having a small screen can help deal with this input better. This is also why I prefer turn based games to action games because I have time to think about my actions.

On the other hand, I am not able to play any PC games nowadays. This is because I can’t stay focused long enough to play them hence it’s a genuine accessibility issue for me. This is unfortunate as it means I am closed off from the vast majority of localised visual novels, a genre I really enjoy. This is despite me trying repeatedly to play through a small handful of Steam releases that will likely never get English console equivalents (like Higurashi When They Cry).

I also have to deal with executive dysfunction which in the simplest possible way means I find it difficult to juggle my day to day life. This especially applies as I’ve gotten older and have become more self-reliant for many things. It means I have less time and energy for games. If I am in a state of burnout, I will find it very difficult to play any video game.

So if I have to deal with a really steep difficulty curve, bad design, lots of grinding or other monotonous content it will become hard for me to continue playing. I do eventually burn out on many games I play and have to take a break so I can pick it up again later otherwise the burnout affects other areas of my life. This is how I got around to completing Dragon Quest VIII on the 3DS after a yearlong break.

I have come to appreciate developers adding in accessibility features in their games that weren’t there before. For instance, modern Falcom games have the ability to lower the difficulty of battles if they prove too difficult after each time the player dies (such as in The Legend of Heroes: Trails of Cold Steel). Additionally, the Utawarerumono Mask of Deception/Truth duology also feature a turn rewind feature which is a godsend for somebody like me whom has an iffy attention span and is prone to making careless mistakes due to burnout and zoning out.

Many modern remakes of Japanese RPGs such as Dragon Quest VIII (as mentioned earlier) reduced the amount of grinding required to complete the game which reduces playtime and boosts engagement which I really appreciate. Then there is also the easy mode in the difficult platformer Celeste, a title I cannot wait to play in part because it’s accessible. While I am aware that difficulty and accessibility aren’t the same things, difficulty settings are an essential accessibility aid for some disabled people like me.

Firstly, I’d like to address an elephant in the room aka those that attack games journalists for talking about accessibility. Firstly, I understand the pressures that games journalists are under when they play games to embargos. They don’t have a get-out clause like consumers do hence it is the ultimate hard mode. If they accept a code or a review kit from a publisher they are obliged to provide coverage of the game in return. This includes beating the game to ensure they know what you’re talking about. Yes, this does include playing through bad games as well as forcing themselves to play through games on a non-preferred platform (such as a handful of games I reviewed on PC). However, it also includes playing games that are inaccessible. So, if there is no easy mode or other accessibility features they need to play, they’re out of luck.

I endured this for two years before I had to quit. I had to learn to enjoy my hobby again and reviewing inaccessible and overly difficult games in rapid succession sucked the passion out of me. It is one of many reasons why I decided that working in the games industry is not for me. Reviewing games burnt me out and alongside my changing support needs means that nowadays I need easy modes in games to ensure I can prevent burnout and enjoy game in balance with other parts of my life. This doesn’t apply to all genres as I can handle difficult platformers and rhythm game stages as well as some turn based RPGs.

Internalising toxic gamer narratives without realising didn’t help either. I thought I’d have to live up to these standards that I could never consistently meet because of my disabilities. Hence most detractors that complain about accessibility in games in reality are privileged. This is because they have it easier than disabled gamers as well as the very journalists that inform them that the game is difficult. These narratives do mean that other disabled people contribute to ableist narratives knowingly or otherwise. One example is the quadraplegic gamer that beat Sekiro on the default difficulty setting which spawned a widely cited news article (CN for inspiration porn in article).

These cases will then be used by the anti-accessibility crowd to go “But look, this person is disabled and they beat it fine! Therefore, it’s a non-issue!” which is ableist. One gamer’s hard mode is a disabled gamer’s impossible mode. One gamer’s easy mode may be a disabled gamer’s hard mode however it would then be playable. It is subjective across the individual as all our needs are different however that does mean that easy modes are a necessary accessibility feature for some hence should become industry standard. This includes games that are praised for their difficulty such as the Dark Souls series.

Can a developer make their games accessible without sacrificing their vision? In short, the developers should always attempt to do this if they have the resources and money. All developers would aim to design their games for different audiences from the outset so that their “vision” isn’t compromised. If they cannot do this in-house, then the option of hiring disabled consultants and playtesters exists. I am aware there are exceptions to this such as visual novels (the genre is far too niche for accessibility aids to become standard period) and small indie developers (where it is not technically or financially possible for accessibility aids to be implemented).

The publishers that have published the Souls like games by From Software (including Sekiro) almost certainly have the resources to acquire this expertise. From Software also are a large enough developer that they can almost certainly allocate time to implement difficulty settings (as they have done for some quality of life aids). I am aware that From Software have been adding quality of life improvements with each new Souls game they make which they deserve credit for, however they still have ways they can further improve on making their games playable to more people.

I am definitely aware that there is still some way to go in video games before they become truly accessible. Subtitles aren’t an industry standard for instance and gamer culture is largely toxic as it features memes including the “git gud” mentality. Microsoft has launched new peripherals specifically aimed at disabled gamers to boost accessibility for the Xbox One and Windows PC platforms. It is not perfect but is an important step. There is still a way to go as those that want to play games on Nintendo/PlayStation formats do not have official peripheral support like the Xbox One has.

In short, games are for everyone. Please listen to disabled gamers when we talk about our access needs and not dismiss us. These can include so many things and vary by player (ie. Additional option settings, easy mode, adaptative controller, quality-of-life improvements) hence it is best for developers to cater to as many playstyles as possible during development.

That’s all for today.

Milla x

Featured image source

Studying Abroad & Money Management

(Image description: A variety of bank notes from several different currencies. They all have a variety of colours.)

Hi all,

Today’s topics focuses on money management and how spending time abroad in Japan as a student has helped me mature and refine my priorities in relation to this. Living abroad is huge life change and for somebody like me is more significant due to being autistic and having limited experience due to my age.

Personally, I used to not be responsible with my money often spending it on things I didn’t need such as video games. One reason why is because I didn’t have many friends at university as I had found socialising difficult. Subsequently, I didn’t feel the need to save money to go on social excursions as I had nobody to go with.

Then I went to Japan in my third year on a study abroad year as part of my degree. I was halfway across the world and I would only have myself and the people I meet there for support. I managed to deal with this overall – even though there are major caveats that I will need to work on if I was to move away in the future like this.

When it comes to finances:

Some of the preparations I had to do include booking my flights as well as arrange insurance to ensure I am protected financially if things go wrong. I had to apply for and take advantage of any schemes I could find that would allow me to save money.

All exchange students at my university in Japan were advised to set up a  Japanese bank account. Furthermore, we all had to go to particular places in order to withdraw money from our international cards. We also had to pay for essentials like food and drink and even the bus to get to the cashpoint that would accept my foreign bank card.

Fortunately, the exchange uni had a canteen which greatly aided my ability to cope but it did cost more than had I cooked for myself with ingredients. The costs of living are higher in Japan than the UK so this was important to consider as well.

The consequences:

The worry of only having so much money is scary but is part and parcel of life for an ordinary person. Budgeting is something that I was vaguely taught when I was younger however is something I only truly began to understand recently. Do I have enough money for this? Can I afford to treat myself to that? All these questions that I have to answer at the time and then have to live with the consequences.

With more responsibilities and a shift in priorities comes less money to go on hobbies like games. I love games (I even occasionally write about them on my blog) and are one of my passions but essentially, they are a form of entertainment that I don’t need shelves of items for. I have ambitions. I have hopes and dreams. I also need to medically and socially transition which will cost a lot of money.

With these dreams comes the need to shift my priorities which includes changing how I deal with my money. So instead of having huge parcels with multiple games inside that I’m unlikely to play, that money could be saved for transitioning, a holiday abroad or for the future such as being able to move away for a good job.

Of course, for all I know it may not be possible for me to work till old age so I may only meet some of my goals. However, that is still only a possibility. Some important background info to remember is that as a disabled person the costs of living are more expensive and it is harder to obtain a fair income due to ableism (alongside the fact I’m queer), so the odds are stacked against me. For many disabled people (including autistics) money management and employment aren’t something they will ever be able to deal with by themselves. If that is the case they should be supported as much as possible by trusted allies.

But for me, my motivation has increased as well as my maturity with money. I have new goals to save for. I have places I want to go and eventually be. Learning how to deal with my finances better is a big part of that. That is one of the lessons I have learnt over the last couple of years.

That’s all for today.

Best wishes,

Milla x

(@subtlykawaii)

Featured image source

Assessment Centres and Initial Thoughts

(Image is of a person in a suit holding a handbag leaping towards a hill with the word “JOB” on it at sunset.)

(CN discrimination, ableism, masking)

Hello everyone,

As part of my preparation for life after I graduate, I have been spending some time throughout my last year at university learning about the graduate recruitment system that I would have to deal with to get a job at a major employer. The workshop I attended recently was about assessment centres and what I would have to deal with. This is a long post hence it’s split into two pages however I hope there is something here that could help autistic jobseekers.

Please bear in mind that while I have not actually been to an assessment centre, I but I left the session in a meltdown. I felt that trying to engage with the typical graduate recruitment system isn’t feasible for me period. The very thought of it fills me with anxiety. When I have to deal with how inaccessible it is, I enter meltdowns. I already had this before when I attended a previous workshop on video interviews (and how some recruiters are starting to use AI to assess candidates) as well as another workshops on when I was asked to discuss my strengths and weaknesses.

I am going to discuss some of the major points brought up in this session, my thoughts on it and how they make the recruitment process inaccessible for those diagnosed as autistic and/or ADHD. Note that some of these thoughts will apply to other neurotypes as well as mental illnesses.

The importance of the telephone

This is a major accessibility issue as employers place great importance on the telephone to communicate with potential candidates which of course causes problems if someone is unable to use the telephone in any way. Allow me to elaborate further.

Employer expect candidates to call them to let them know if they running late for interviews/assessments.

A lot of autistic people have huge anxiety calling strangers which includes unexpected phone calls. If an unexpected event happens and the autistic person needs to cancel this demand may be impossible for them to do. This is especially important as employers will expect candidates to ask if it is still ok that they can arrive at the assessment centre at a later time. They may start the assessment without them especially if most other candidates have already arrived. If they are too anxious to use the phone, it is very unlikely that any other form of contact would be accepted. I would assume this includes texts and email as well.

Do not use mobile phones in the waiting rooms for interviews/assessments.

This also relates to issues with how telephones are often used for fidgeting, dealing with nerves or communicating with others. Alternatives for this could work like a fidget cube, but that doesn’t mean misunderstandings won’t happen. The expectations that employers have will include reading various materials in the lobby, watching videos playing on TV as well as talking to other candidates in the area (which can actually add stress for neurodiverse people).

Should phone numbers always be disclosed in applications?

This is something I wondered as a result of the workshop. Although it is expected that phone numbers are given on all applications as a way of being contacted, if somebody won’t answer the call due to anxiety (or another reason), what is the point of giving the prospective employer their number? On the other hand, if a phone number isn’t disclosed on the application would an employer disqualify them immediately for that? I don’t know the answer to that. Either way, this is a huge accessibility issue.

Body language

This is an area where many autistic struggle and employers assess how often you use eye contact as a way to help them assess candidates for their roles. The problem with this is that it negatively discriminates against those that don’t present in a neurotypical way. This of course ties into masking and is one reason why many autistic people learn to do it. However, there are many that can’t or refuse to mask and thus are prone to having their chance taken from them because employers judge them by fixed NT standards. In other words, the very process of recruitment encourages masking.

You can click the the page number below to proceed to the next page.

 

Why Asking “What’s Your Name and Pronouns?” Can Add to Anxiety

Feature image description: Image is of a rainbow flag high above the clouds. The background is a blue sky with clouds and very distant terrain.

(CN for mention of misgendering)

Hi all,

Autistic LGBTQ+ people struggle to integrate into LGBTQ+ spaces for a variety of reasons. One of these reasons is to how inaccessible dedicated clubs and spaces for LGBTQ+ people can be due to sensory overload. However as someone who is at the start trying to integrate into these spaces to help me become comfortable with myself (as I am still in the closet) I am hitting the first hurdle and I’d like to talk about that a bit today. The hurdle is the very question used to help introduce people into LGBTQ+ spaces so people know how others want to be identified and that is…

“What’s your name and pronouns?”

Now before I continue I want to make it crystal clear that I fully support trans issues as well as the normalisation of pronouns. In other words – all the motives behind this question. I myself am trans and I don’t identify with any gender on a deep level however I do wish to be treated and seen as feminine hence the need to disclose pronouns.

Disclosing pronouns makes it easy for trans people to work out who is safe to be around as many people who do not disclose pronouns aren’t allies to trans people. Furthermore, as gender is different for everyone and there are more than two there is the need for language to change and reflect this (or be normalised in the case of the singular pronoun “they”).

However, I do think in certain situations the way this question is asked can potentially make LGBTQ+ spaces inaccessible for autistic people – and by extension those that have anxiety. Hence this is something I’d like to talk about today.

Imagine this – you are an autistic person whom has just realised they are LGBTQ+ and need to seek friends in real life for support. You’re not fully out to the world and you need to get a bigger support network who will lift you up rather than put you down. You managed to get to one of these groups overcoming deep anxiety and fear of the unknown. Will you be accepted? Can you trust the people here to keep your secret safe until you’re ready to show the world?

You are too anxious to talk to others. There are so many people here talking to each other. Some people are out whereas others are in the closet. This environment is unfamiliar and you are getting exhausted due to all the sensory input. You feel like you could be welcomed and accepted here – but also very anxious at the possibility of having to deal with awkward situations with the other people there until you feel comfortable opening up. The anxiety won’t go away until you feel comfortable trusting them with your orientations.

You want to trust others here but you know it will take time and effort on your part and theirs. They may be willing to play ball so you’re going to give it a chance. But for now you only feel comfortable passively participating in the events. In other words – say what you feel comfortable saying and don’t pressure yourself.

You hear the organiser say “So before we begin we are going to go round and ask everyone’s names and pronouns.” Oh no. You’re going to have to out myself to other people before you’re ready. The reasons are perfectly understandable but is only heightening your anxiety. This goes against the mental plan you had in mind and may only make things harder for you in the long run.

People start responding to the question in order around the way you were all sitting. There’s so many different names and pronouns. You can’t go by how people present so you have to try to remember what they say even though it is difficult for you due to your anxiety. It got overwhelming. There is no way you are able to remember them all. Then the question finally got to you.

“Erm…I don’t really feel comfortable answering that,” you meekly say with visible anxiety in your voice.

It feels like a cop-out. You want to say “Hi I’m [redacted] and my pronouns are [pronoun 1/pronoun 2] but the nerves are just too much. You’re too shy and you wonder if other people feel that you aren’t interested in engaging or whether you aren’t safe because you aren’t disclosing your pronouns.

This was me at my first LGBTQ+ event. So in short – the pronouns question is giving me anxiety because it is putting me on the spot before I am ready to give the answers. This is because I am shy and am finding the unfamiliar situation overwhelming for me.

On social networking sites like Twitter disclosing pronouns is much easier. The pressure is off as users putting pronouns in their bio gets around asking the questions directly. Not to mention online spaces are often the only place somebody can be themselves before they are able to out themselves in real life.

Transferring this idea of having name/pronouns written down in real life support groups would be a good idea. Having stickers with your name and pronouns written on them would greatly help people like me better remember how to address people properly and avoid misgendering or calling people the wrong names by accident.

Similar systems are used at some left-wing conferences where pronoun stickers are given out to the guests for free as well as colour coded lanyards to indicate whether somebody is OK with strangers talking to them or not. This is one common way to improve accessibility for disabled people and would be worth transferring into communities outside of disability and left-wing environments as well. This would also help people who find it difficult to remember individual names and pronouns due to anxiety, cognitive disabilities and other reasons.

Another idea that I feel is worth suggesting could be simply just saying “you don’t have to answer if you don’t feel comfortable” in group-based situations. I had this happen when I was talking to individuals and it greatly helped my confidence. I can come out of my shell in my own time and express myself more freely when I felt comfortable. In that context I was known as someone “with no name or pronoun” which was fine by me. This is how it should be in general. In LGBTQ+ spaces this is important and also in neurodiverse spaces too. Not having that contributed to my anxiety in the group environment.

Maybe as time goes on and I integrate into these circles more and build a support network I will make some friends and this initial barrier will lower. The barriers are lower however right now it is a formidable obstacle and I need to do my best to find a way to overcome it. I am still at the start of my journey and I’d wager my view will deepen as I gain more knowledge about LGBTQ+ issues. In the meantime, I’ll likely produce labels and badges myself to take the pressure off me a bit as I can simply direct others to my labels.

LGBTQ+ circles – please think about how establishing names and pronouns could add accessibility barriers for autistic LGBTQ+ people. More autistic people are LGBTQ+ than the general population so you’re missing out on a lot of us if you don’t make your spaces accessible.

Best wishes,

Subtle

(@subtlykawaii)

Featured image source

Noise Cancelling Liberation

(CN: Discussion of sensory overload)

Hi all,

Last weekend I took a very big step in my independence skills and went with a group to the People’s Vote march in London, UK. This is something that I really wanted to do but knew that it would likely be difficult for me. Before I go any further, this post is not going to be about Brexit nor any of the politics associated with it. Instead, I will talk about an experiment I did at the protest in relation to being autistic – trying out my new noise cancelling headphones as an accommodation.

Noise-cancelling headphones are a commonly touted accommodation for autistic people to help cope with the world around them. This can help minimise overstimulation. They block out ambient background noise which is usually what contributes to a sensory overload. In the case of the march this included the music and voices beaming from the speakers, the crowd chanting as well as the sounds of the transport I took to and from the event. This is an expensive accommodation as proper noise cancelling headphones cost hundreds of pounds brand new. However, I managed to get a pair (AKG N60, one of the recommended and cheaper brands) for a significant discount.

I went to the march. It was nearly two hours before we began marching due to the sheer amount of people attending hence there was a lot of waiting and a lot of noise. I also met some new people as well. With the event getting noisy and the risk of exhaustion, overload and more becoming a possibility, I put my headphones on and flicked the switch to trigger the noise cancelling effect. In short…It liberated me.

I was able to participate like everybody else as the sounds were at a consistent volume that I could handle easily. I could hear people talking around me at a louder volume than the background noise whereas without the headphones everything would sound the same. I was able to participate in conversations which even included discussion about why I was wearing the headphones in the first place.

Furthermore, I didn’t get overwhelmed at all and had the realisation that this will solve many of my problems traveling especially by myself. I’ve had occasions where I traveled by myself and have gotten exhausted during the trip which leads to me becoming more vulnerable and prone to a meltdown. In the past, I have had to had relatives pick me up and drop me off back home because everything just got too much for me.

I didn’t feel disabled at all during that day. While autism and its comorbidities are disabilities (and this is something that I accept), there are ways to deal with them so that they can be managed to allow for as much participation in society as possible. The wish of being “normal” and/or accepted by wider society is very strong among neurodivergent people of all support needs and beliefs. I include the neurodiversity crowd in this as it is easy to internalise ableism due to the dominant narratives and is difficult to unpack.

I think it helped that I had a supportive environment as well. I was able to make a good first impression to other people and thus allowed my confidence to show. This is the power of what accommodations and acceptance by others can do. It allows participation of disabled people in society just like non-disabled people. In the case of me and noise cancelling headphones the accommodation was relatively simple to implement (aside from the cost). This is not me “overcoming” being autistic but rather adapting my life around being autistic and accepting myself.

Maybe in the future I will be able to handle more loud events. I have had thoughts about where to go but am unsure when I will be able to try those environments with the noise cancelling headphones. Either way, I feel that so many new opportunities have opened up to me that weren’t open before and that makes me so happy. Although I’d prefer most events I’d attend to be accessible, the attitudes of many neurotypicals means we are some way off this becoming a standard. Until then, noise-cancelling headphones have liberated me and many others too.

That’s all for today.

Best wishes,
Subtle

(@subtlykawaii)

Featured image source: I found the image and cropped it but realised it was from Braitbart after I had uploaded it and went to get the link. I’m not sourcing them sorry. I’ll aim not to do this again.