I’m 23 and Finally Free

Hi all,  

Today’s post is going to be a ramble because as of today, I have now turned 23. Subsequently, what was one of the hardest years of my life has come to a close. Now I can actually look towards my future.  

I am finally making progress in solving my homelessness situation – and at the time of writing, in more suitable temporary accommodation. I am also able to start thinking about employment and reaching out to the community properly.  

That said, one other thought that comes to mind is this realisation. I should have been in this position last year. Let me contextualise it with an anecdote I haven’t discussed before – my 22nd birthday day the previous year.  

That day, I got up really early for a job interview that I attended via a long train commute. I didn’t get the job, but it was a good experience nonetheless. At the time, I was still stuck at my abusers’ home and believed that getting a job was my only viable way out.  

My situation was deteriorating, and it was only a matter of time before I was kicked out. Hence, I had to get a job as soon as possible because nobody would house me. I also had no presents nor cards from my abusers as they refused to get me anything – as did the family members that they manipulated against me. So not much of a birthday.  

Some reasons why this is significant to me is that last year:  

  • I wasn’t able to think properly about my future in any way, nor access the right support to do this, such as mentoring.
  • My focus was forcibly narrowed to getting a new place to live in any way possible.
  • Nor was I able to work out precisely what my support needs were. This is due to the toxic negativity I had, that assumed I could never work or live on my own. 
  • I also wasn’t able to work out what would be best for me regarding careers. All I knew is that I would need to move to a more accessible area for the best jobs and support. 
  • I wasn’t able to access mental health support for what I was going through, nor access any form of peer support.  

I wasn’t able to have a life, basically. I was trapped and disabled by the toxic environment around me.  

The difference between then and now is that I can now adequately address all of the above.  

This is because I’m free. I can finally get all of this addressed and more, such as: 

  • Medically transitioning
  • Reaching out to other people in the local community
  • Rebuilding my career
  • Working towards my long-term ambitions to migrate out of the U.K. permanently 

I am also accessing support and have developed a thick skin and matured as a result of my experiences. 

So today, I’ll be spending the day to myself and probably play games, do some writing and catch up with some friends online. And honestly, I’m OK with that. Compared to last year, this is far better. It’s better to be alone and happy than surrounded by people who don’t care about your wellbeing.  

My life is so much better now.  

I’m 23 and finally free. Here’s to a year of freedom and finally finding my feet as an adult.  

Milla xx  

P.S. I recently set up a crowdfunder so I can start my medical transition privately. Please consider donating to it if you have something to spare. You can view it here.

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